USB device hasn’t been “properly ejected” in years

Police were called to a domestic dispute on Second Avenue this past weekend after neighbors complained about the volume of a verbal altercation between local man Barry Wilmore and his 1 TB Portable Seagate External Hard Drive, sources confirm.

“387 times! He hasn’t properly ejected me since our first week together. It’s like he doesn’t hear me at all,” said the pocket-sized hard drive [...]