Get a jerb

Woke up with new direction and clarity this morning, having started this regiment of meds proper. A job; it's so obvious! How could I have ever thought I would just magickally shoot into Michael Jackson levels of fame by posting on Lemmy World? I'm dumb, obviously, which leads to my immediate paralysis upon trying to shoot myself out of a job cannon into job land to get all the jobs; I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, literally relying on my phone's keyboard's predictive text to determine my breakfast at times, and I am certain to spaghetti at a moment's notice.

I'm not afraid like I used to be. I understand "fear is the mind killer." I used to be unable to talk to girls on the phone because I was terrified and everything shut off. Now I'm just anxious, and it grips my mind, but I can still work through it. Yet, it's hard. I don't have a map or waypoints or even a helping parent figure to give a shit about me enough so I just have to do the work.

That's the easy part, even in getting a job; the just fill out the whatever, show up, do the thing, yadda yadda. Figuring out what the azimuth to all of that shit? That is literally what my RPG class is weakest in; social judgment. I can define the nature of the topological matrix we are not IN but rather ARE, but I don't know a damn dinky how to shake a person's hand right. Do I go in for the hug on the first interview?

I dunno. Writing helps put these feelings into concrete terms and helps me process the underlying emotions, so this is part of my therapy.