I tie my happiness to the company of strange men.

…and I doubt I will change. I’ve not had a boyfriend really ever. I’ve never had a stranger give me a compliment. I’ve never had someone ask me out—and follow through with it. This is all to say that my views and habits rely solely on sex. I’m fully jaded. I resent those who can literally pick whichever guy they want. I resent my best friend for her relationship with her bf. She was not divorced yet, just separated. This guy walked up to her, asked for her number, and that was it. No effort needed. I’ve put so much effort, only to never see anything of promise.

I want things that I cannot have.

Quick edit: I do not want or need sympathy or whatever. I just need to get this off of my chest. I bottle all of this up, and feel even more isolated, and alone.