A/S/L: Old enough 2 ASL/;3/Pits of despair
Pronouns: :3 / >:3
Mental Health: Dangerously unstable
Spoken languages: Cringe / Acadian French / English
However, some Republicans have characterized Biden's effort as a "bailout for the wealthy."
I'M SORRY WHAT???
Do these people think that having an education means you're wealthy?
Have you tried power cycling your router?
Similarly, how can smart people convey the complexities of mathematics, of physics, of philosophy, to people who literally cannot - as in do not have the capacity to uptake - understand even a fraction of what you speak of?
Funny, I was thinking about something similar last night. I'm not a very mathematically inclined person but for some reason last night I was thinking about it and how people who are "mathematically inclined" must see the world in a completely different way than I do. Kind of like how your average gamer and a game programmer might see a video game world differently. You can try to explain to the gamer who knows nothing of the complexities behind game programming and how it is really just all numbers, but they might not be able to see the numbers that make up that beautiful world you're playing in. This line of thinking can be applied to so many things. I sometimes feel like we may all be on the same planet but we all live in a completely different world.
Another thing I use the Bible for btw is as a repository of the “wisdom of the ages”
Yes, that is how I see it too. I don't know if I had mentioned it in one of my previous replies, since I don't even remember when that was, but I actually found my grandmothers old bible a couple days ago and decided to start reading it. I read the Satanic bible so I figured I might as well give God's book a chance! I think it can definitely be a useful tool in that regard because things really haven't changed all that much. Humans are still the same.
Regrets
I see it the same way you do. Were it possible, I might go back in time and tell my younger self to do some things differently, but I would effectively be killing my current self and I love this bitch. It wasn't always the case but now I think I'm actually kinda cool, I can see value in myself and I wouldn't want to be someone else. All roads lead to home, some are just longer than others but in the grand scheme of things I don't believe there is such a thing as wasted time.
but given how often people take advantage
Yeah, that is one thing that had made me grow a bit cold in the past, as a coping mechanism. Fortunately over the years I have learned to deal with these things a lot better. I can't avoid abusers but I can recognize them and limit their impact on me. When I say abusers I don't necessarily mean bad people either, although there have been some. Some people just don't realize just how much of their pain I soak up when they dump their trauma on me and some would basically only use me for that but I let it happen. I think it is just as much my fault as it is theirs, I simply overestimated what I could handle. I might've also been able to handle much more when I was younger but then as I grew older that shit started weighing really heavily on me.
I hope you also hold it in check, so that you manage to meet your own needs as well
That is something I have only recently realized I had to do, for the sake of all my loved ones I need to prioritize myself.
You may not be a fan of Kendrick Lamar but his song "Mirror" off his latest album (Mr. Morale & The Big Steppers) resonated with me SO strongly. I get the most intense "frissons" whenever I listen to it. The entire album is an absolute masterpiece, as is everything he does in my opinion. It all builds up to "Mirror", it might not be as impactful if you haven't listened to the whole album but it still is.
I accomplish by giving in to my desires?
Absolutely, you need to do what you need to do to build a strong foundation for yourself. Only when you have that can you support others.
I thought mine was too but it is hard to navigate the storms of life and my sense of self is still tied up in the wrong things.:-( Then again, I will meditate on it and it becomes an opportunity to do better and grow… so that’s always a boon. Nobody enjoys those opportunities, but we do become so much better - less Monkey, more Mind - as a result:-).
Aw, that's just part of the ups and downs of life. Just don't let yourself fall too far down. Two steps forwards one step back is still one step forward. The last 2 days have been pretty shit for me in terms of mental health but at the same time I still realize that I am still doing MUCH better than I was just a month ago. It's always a bit painful when your mood and mental health takes a bit of a dive but it helps to try and keep things in perspective.
Space timey wimy goodness It is indeed difficult to grasp hahah! I don't think I'm able to see the exact picture you've written down. Kinda difficult with these things because they are so open to interperetation. The way I'm interpreting it right now is like whatever restrictions we feel we're surrounded by simply act kind of like horse blinders? There are so many possibilities when we know nothing!
but is there any doubt that we are all “connected” nonetheless? Well, not in my mind. We can't really do anything without affecting the rest of the world. Everything we do has an impact, no matter how insignificant it may seem, even something as trivial as a fart. The energy, the words, actions and possibly even thoughts that we put out in the world, none of it is lost. I feel like that is a power that most of us ignore these days. We are to focused on the "now" and the things we can physically see and touch.
Speaking of, I had already forgotten that beautiful perspective that you had shared with me about nations changing. Stuff at my job, weird weather, for a few days my exercise schedule has been interrupted and I am just “off”, and just like that it had already slipped through my fingers, again.
That is so relatable hahah. I think it's normal and that we all have those moments but I also do not know what normal is. I think that's where meditation and mindfulness can be really helpful. You sometimes must make a conscious effort to remind yourself of these things because the world we've built is just so overwhelming at times, it's easy to get caught up in it and forget. It's kind of like weightlifting for the mind/soul hahah. If you stop training you're gonna lose all them gainz!
I guess I too am one of those who says one thing yet does the polar opposite, an “idiot” even. I like to think that these "idiots" don't ever have these thoughts but what do I know, I may very well be an idiot myself. We probably all desire to know the truth but none of us seem to see the same thing, life is different for everyone. We are not given the same knowledge, everybody has a different piece of the truth (or truth™) that they build around.
So I am grateful that I care, and therefore… almost grateful for the pain that I lived through that made me care.
Well of course. You are the sum of your experiences and if you are at a point where you are happy with who you are, then you must appreciate the pain you've had to endure to get there.
I hope these thoughts are at least halfway entertaining:-D.
Absolutely! They have managed to take up an hour of what seemed to be the start of a pretty boring day.
She is absolutely the BEst biTCH!:-) (I really hope you take that as I meant it, in that I mean that you are awesome:-P)
Bahah no worries, literally everybody calls me that. Ok I lied, my parents don't, but everybody else does!
And further along those lines, I hope that you take heart in that all of our relationships with our mothers are this way, it seems to me.
Yeah you may be right about that. These days however I am working towards being friends with my mother instead of just being her child and that has been kind of a healing experience.
She really hasn't grown up in a religious family but still, everybody else around was. People were living and breathing in religion. My grandfather hated organized religion though. He stopped going to church very early in his life and never made his children attend which is kind of crazy for someone who grew up in the early 1900s. He saw religious people as sinners looking to be forgiven on Sunday just to start a whole new week of sinning. Dude was an absolute bad ass but he suffered from chronic depression his whole life. I really wish I had the chance to discuss with him more.
I am not really a “teacher” at all I think
Aw, yeah, I understand what you mean. Jobs tend to suck the life and soul out of everything though. You can still be a teacher and not be in the teaching profession but the helper label still has a nice ring to it! I feel the same way though. I have a hard time throwing my energy at someone who can't be bothered to bounce that energy back at me. It is so exhausting.
YAAAASSSS QUEEN! Except… hrm, it will keep coming up, every few years and also rearing its ugly head.
Oh I know, but there is a point of diminishing return for time and energy spent on things like that and it comes on real quick. Just gotta realize when that happens and stop.
It is one of the most dangerous mindsets b/c it robs people of their agency Well, the way I see it, even if everything was predetermined, I still make all my decisions as if I do have agency because my brain is convinced that I do. The difference is that in the back of my head I'm not sure I really did have a choice so it's not worth agonizing over too much. What is done is done. Regrets just serve to influence future decisions.
liken it to a mage/sorcerer type who learned some kind of arcane branch of magic, so while their buddies are going around doing all the cool, useful stuff like fireball, we basically got nothing to show for it, except that we happen to know (what might be, MAYBE) a deeper Truth.
Hahah I like that comparison. We will probably never know in our lifetimes either, and that's ok. I have nothing impressive like fireballs to show but I know that people see something in me that I can't put my finger on. It's gonna sound like a weird brag but people fucking love me and I've never been able to figure out why. All my life I've never been able to go to any kind of gathering without having people just flock around me. I've always just kinda wanted to be left alone so at gatherings I would try to find a nice quiet corner and have maybe a couple close friends with me, but I would always end up being swarmed and overwhelmed. Maybe that's my power, people magnet. I have no clue how I would use such a power but I feel I'm getting closer to figuring it out.
EDIT: I will be back for part two at a later time! I'm currently in the process of buying a house and becoming something that I hate, a landlady 🤢. I'm currently having a wild internal battle about this but no matter which way I look at it, I have to do it. Gonna get back to that for a bit but I will be back.
Be careful about wishing for capitalism to retire.
Oh I know hahah. I'm always careful for what I wish for. I might not always chose the right words to put down but in my head my wish is pretty clear and simple. I wouldn't wanna be able to say exactly what it was though because then according to the rules of the universe and the wishing laws, it would never come true 🤪
I have little control over, so I don’t worry too much (hehe, that is an enormous lie just so you know:-P) Hah! Yeah I definitely relate to that hahah. I also try not to worry about things that are out of my hands but I still can't stop thinking about it. I think I'm getting better at not really worrying and just accepting that I am just kind a visitor in this world. I find it to be relieving to not worry about things that are out of my reach, instead concentrating on the things that I can actually touch. However, I still constantly think about everything that is out of my reach, hoping that one day my reach extends either directly or indirectly through other people who I am in contact with. Stoicism is cute in theory but in practice I'm not sure it is, although I haven't really spent more than a couple hours thinking about it and I have definitely not put it into practice. I tried reading Marcus Aurelius' Meditations a long time ago but never actually managed to get that far into it.
Holy crap are you my soulmate? J/k - I don’t even believe in that Hahah yeah I don't know about soul mates. I wish it was real but at this point in my life I've lost faith. Also fuck the downvotes, people who actually take time to downvote things that are harmless aren't worth a second of your time. Not upvoting would end up doing the same thing but no, they have to downvote. It's trash behaviour from sad people.
About fighting against instant messaging: fwiw, I know my limitations, and therefore work around them. I'm getting much better with it now, although I think it's because my mental health has just been generally improving overall in the past couple months, making it easier for me to look through the fog at the things that are actually hurting me.
And if it helps to hear from the other side, I would hate to be the cause of any pain for you. Though I am dumb as shit
Aw hahah don't say that, but I do understand what you mean as I am also dumb as shit. Oops, I said it too. I also believe that everybody has some kind of intelligence and wish more people could see that. Even someone who appears to be dumb as bricks will probably know way more than you in many areas. There's just so much knowledge to be amassed out there and everybody picks up different bits. Thinking that someone is just 100% stupid and doesn't know anything just shows a lack of insight or understanding.
Rest easy:-P. Until it is time to rise again:-).
I have! I've been feeling too good to stay cooped up at home these past couple days. I guess I haven't really been resting but the change of scenery has been really nice.
I'm sure one day they're going to be selling those user created levels back to the users who originally created them.
I feel it’s the kind of mistake that people make for whom learning the language was a “necessary evil” / chore in order to succeed professionally
Ahhh yeah that would make sense, I do love languages and have always found them fun. I also grew up in a bilingual area. My little village is French but most surrounding towns/cities are English speaking and was immersed in it from a very young age. I actually learned English mostly to argue with the kid next door who only spoke English (and from a whole lot of American English TV.)
Currently I don't
Edit: Is that a thing though? I really don't think I do.
Edit 2: Took a second to think about it and yeah I guess because actuellement translates to currently it could be mixed up but I don't think I have or have I ever heard anyone mix those two up. I also speak English since I'm like 5 years old though so maybe I would have at some point but I can't say I do now.
Hah, funny. As a non-native speaker I never mix them up as I am very conscious of it when I'm writing. I'm also often translating from French in my mind to English on "paper" which helps differentiate all of them since they don't sound the same in French.
I will say this again down below but I like it so much that I want to repeat it to start out with as well, if you do not mind: Thank you for your kind words:-).
Hey! Right back at you, friend!
I tend to think of ADHD & autism as more chemical, whereas for me it is my trauma and decisions that have created this.
Yeah they are very difficult to tell apart. Most of my traumas come from the fact that I was different, without understanding that I was different. I tried so hard to not be different my whole life that I've ended up with damage that I'm not sure I will ever be able to completely fix. Most of the symptoms that I display that stem from trauma would be indistinguishable from a neurotypical person with similar traumas.
Moreover, I think everything that is an advantage is also a disadvantage, and vice versa. It is like the game rock-paper-scissors: nothing is “best”, only good in certain contexts, but you never know what the next round will bring.
That is also how I see it. It's actually such a beautiful thing too. You can't have anything if you don't have balance. I don't believe that there is a "wrong" kind of person, just maybe someone who is not suited for the current task at hand. It doesn't mean that they are useless. In a capitalistic society, yeah maybe but I'd rather argue that capitalism is useless (I don't think it is but I do think it's time for it to retire) than a person.
The ability to “shut out the world” and just CREATE - it can literally change the world, and also at the same time get you fired.
Yeah it is a double-edged sword for sure. It feels like a crippling superpower at times. Yes I can concentrate on a project for 24 hours straight, but I also can't feed myself during that time, I can't do anything but what's right in front of me. But still, I am also very proud to be neurodivergent. I wish I had known more about it earlier, but maybe I wouldn't have taken it the same way if I learned about it earlier, who knows.
I’ve said this to others too, and I will say it again: I prefer thoughtful replies. I reply to enough common stuff all across the Fediverse that I’m solid on the “banter”
I agree, but banter also serves to open the door to potentially thoughtful replies. I basically use it as a feeler, kind of like a "Hey how's it goin'" or "Hey, nice weather!". Funny how I only really learned what the purpose of that was a couple years ago. Sometimes you send out a quick quip and someone sends one right back that shows a "compatible thought-process". Also I just really enjoy saying stupid silly shit.
And I believe you about the trauma causing you to feel “anxiety” for not responding sooner. I… well let’s just say that I ABSOLUTELY understand that (yes, you guessed it: I am the same way, and like you I fight that).
Yeah it's tough to fight it. Especially when you grew with with instant messaging. I've basically been in front of a computer with all my instant messengers opened at all times and now I regret it so much. I don't want to be accessible 24/7, I mean I kinda do but really I can't. It leaves you no time for you and in the end you can't be there for anyone if you're not there for yourself. I wish I had realized that sooner.
Thank you for your kind words:-).
💜💜💜💜
Sheee's bAAAAaaaaack 😱
If you are interested, there is a book by the philosopher Daniel Dennett - who is a halfway decent author, e.g. of Darwin’s Dangerous Idea
That does sound right up my alley I'll write it down. However my reading ability lately is not great. If I read 2 books in a year, that was a good year hahah. I already have a pile of books on my desk that has been there for about a year now and once in a while a book gets added on top but none get removed from the bottom 😭
Ngl, but the Catholic Church does do some good stuff Absolutely! Not only the Catholic Church, many religions do a ton of good stuff. It's sad that these days it is difficult to see that part of it. I have family members who would not be where they are today if it wasn't for Religion. I don't even know what their religion is called but it's not one of the main ones around here. It's a very small church. They've never talked about it, they've never tried to get anyone else in the family involved and I respect that so much. All it did for them is put them on a much better path than the one they were on. They went from violent alcoholics to basically loving saints and there is nothing fake or forced about it, if you know what I mean. I still feel
I used to be very angry at the Catholic Church for a long time myself, though fortunately I healed
I can relate to that a lot. I still feel guilty about how I used to be around religion. Particularly with my mom. She used to believe and for some reason I couldn't accept that. I would often talk shit about religion and her beliefs, try to convince her it was all just bullshit. Now I just ask myself why the fuck would I want to take that away from someone? Especially someone like my mom who basically just used religion as a way to calm her mind about the afterlife. Worst part, the most painful part, is that one of the reasons she probably believed so strongly was because it was a way for her to believe that she might be able to see my brother who died before I was born.
I also quit something - a teaching position
Ouch... I'm really sorry you've had to leave a teaching position. That is a tragedy, but don't bother second guessing your decision. Whatever you did was the right thing to do. You can still teach even though you aren't in a teaching position and I have a feeling you weren't in it for the fame and the fortune that comes with the official title of "Teacher".
And yeah, maybe your town will die off then. Perhaps even… I doubt you will take this the wrong way so I will go ahead and say it: perhaps it should?
Bahah none taken at all. It would be pretty hypocritical of me to take offense when I basically said the same thing about your country! It just is what it is sometimes. Maybe if we all understood that, we would take better care of what we have but no. Too many people take what we have for granted.
Try to have empathy for Trump ...
Agreed. There are no monkeys named Trump on my back at this point. In a way I don't really "care" anymore. I'd rather concentrate on the things that are happening rather than the people who we view as the cause of those things because it's never really just one person. Trump wouldn't have been able to do much if there wasn't a growing mass of people who somehow connected to the things he was saying. To put the blame on one person would be ignoring the true root of the issues. Do I believe he deserve every punishment he gets? Yes, 100%. What he does not deserve is my time and energy. I'd rather spend it on people who might end up voting for someone like him.
...from the GREATEST PERSON ALIVE ON THE PLANET EARTH RIGHT NOW, Jon Stewart...
Hahah! Yaaaass! I wanted to watch the whole thing raw before I watched Jon Stewart on it though but I will probably end up just watching that instead.
Determinism: I also believe that. I cannot prove it though, so I don’t hold to it too hard.
Ahhhh yes. This is the part that really sent my brain into a death spiral 😂 It still does. It is just such a "fun" thing to think about. There is so much to think about when you know nothing. I see it as any other kind of belief. Since you can't prove it, it should only enter the equation when nothing else can help you make a decision. When there is no right or wrong, or all options are appear to be either right or wrong, to me that is when beliefs are useful. Then again, that is kind of why we're at this point in time right now. Ironic. Some beliefs are just more dangerous than others I guess, or maybe it's just the incompatibility between certain beliefs that is dangerous.
And yes, since we can't know whether we have free-will or not, we must treat it as if we did because our brain tells us we do but we still need to remember that our brain lies all the time. Well, maybe not as much lie as it omits a lot of information.
he meant it, he set things in motion to make it happen, nobody bothered to try to fight back, and, here we are)
I like that thought. Inertia isn't only applicable to the physical world.
I have to apologize, I am having a hard time grasping your thoughts on space and time. If you want you can try to re-word that for me as I wouldn't mind having a clearer picture and toying with your ideas a bit.
Yes, we may be pawns on a chessboard, but who is to say that WE are not ALSO the players!? If life is a video game, WE could be the characters, but “WE” could ALSO be coming down into our avatars from above.
Oh god yeah. That is something that I have thought about a lot. I also like the idea that we are all just one consciousness experiencing itself from within, or just a bunch of thoughts trying to sort themselves out in some sort of giant cosmic brain. I dunno hahah, these ideas can go pretty far and get pretty crazy. It's just so much fun to think about. I miss Timothy Leary, Terence McKenna and their crazy psychedelic-fueled ideas.
----PART 2----
And moreover, who cares?
Exactly.
That said, I halfway agree in that I think people carry around so many strange things, that when you talk with someone you are only partway talking to them, and partway talking to all the stuff that they bring with them.
Oh it is very rare that you will get to truly talk to someone. I think you're always interacting with a translation layer that sits between an interface and the actual mind.
I do believe there is a higher mind and that we all have it but that it can be buried and suffocated. It's very difficult to stay open-minded these days as we are constantly bombarded with crap coming from all directions. I can't blame anyone for closing that door after a while. I also think that you should never really be interacting with the same person twice. Healthy people grow and change constantly.
I have thought that before, but can never seem to hold onto it
I know exactly what you mean. It is extremely difficult to hold on to. It takes a conscious effort to do so but it is absolutely worthwhile. To me it offloads a ton of weight from my shoulders.
Oh no! I didn't mean anything about what you wrote or your writing style or anything. Sorry if I came across that way. I think we have a very similar writing style, no offence 😂
I don’t… think that I have ADHD (read as: I think that I might have some form of ADHD or something along those lines:-P) - or rather I think we all lie on the spectrum somewhere
The autism spectrum is a strange and fascinating thing. I'm also not entirely convinced ADHD is really a separate thing, just ADHD being a set or subset of traits within the autism spectrum that we've decided to identify and label as ADHD instead of lumping it with autism. Autism and ADHD have very high rates of comorbidity, the major differentiating factor between the two is that ones traits/symptoms can be managed using stimulants.
It is easy to think that everybody must be on it a little bit but I'm not sure that's the case. I know for me it's something that has definitely crossed my mind but the more I thought about it, the closer I got to the conclusion that it is more likely that I have inadvertently surrounded myself with people who are also on the spectrum/neurodivergent. We kind of speak the same language and have many shared experiences/traumas so it would be no surprise that we would associate.
I do believe that many people we consider highly intelligent are/were on the spectrum. It does grant the "ability" to think in completely different ways and to view very different perspectives. It can be a blessing and/or a curse, very rarely a blessing alone.
Welp, I don't decide when I get going but when I do, I have a hard time stopping 💀. I'm gonna manually pull the brake here and cut off that rant right there 😅
definitely should hold off on reading all of that huge wall of text until you have the capacity.
I did read it though! Sorry I thought I mentioned that in my previous post but apparently I didn't hahah. I just wanted to let you know that I had seen and read your comment but I'm having a very low-functioning day today. The subjects brought up are not subjects I take lightly and even though we're not doing much more than shooting the shit on the internet, you've brought things up that I really want to ponder and explore before taking the time to reply. I appreciate the conversation with you and I know it takes time and energy to put thoughts on paper. Just wanted you to know it wasn't a waste, I am still listening.
and maybe I should have altered my own actions there to not lay such a heavy burden on you to feel “pressured” to respond quickly.
Not at all. That's 100% on me, that's just how I am. There's probably (definitely 100%) trauma hiding somewhere behind that but that's another comment thread 😂
Also I could really should have taken time on my own to re-word it significantly shorter, which would have helped a ton:-). Sorry if I was disrespectful in that manner.:-)
You have not been disrespectful in any way. I know how it is when you start writing and more and more stuff just keeps coming up, no reason not to share those thoughts. Pound away on that keyboard. I'll talk to you soon!
Kinda?